I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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