If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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