Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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