His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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