New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize