They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
