I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
