allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
