I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
