hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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