So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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