I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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