So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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