tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
