Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
