i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am naked and annoyed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
