sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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