He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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