Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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