I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
