i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
