dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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