Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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