The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
