She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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