Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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