The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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