just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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