I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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