he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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