May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we made out on top of his cat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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