mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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