I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
