tell your sister to shave her snatch
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
