You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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