We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
