i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
