I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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