ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
