this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
