I think I won the penis lottery.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
