the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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