How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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