Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
