please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
