you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
