Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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