so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
