i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
