Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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