I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
