woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
