So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How's work?
Spinning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
