I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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