I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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