It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there is puke in my bra ... again
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