The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
