i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Randomize
