so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
