Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
