shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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