y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Barsexuality is the new black.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
