I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
