Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize