it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
