party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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