Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
