My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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