It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
