I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
