Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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