i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
