I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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