I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
