You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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