I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
