I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
