ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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