who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
