i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
