you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
