I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
