I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
