why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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