hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my shit smells like andre
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
