so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
