Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
