I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
