The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
