It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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