a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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