i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
