The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
