Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
