Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
