I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
