Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
