WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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