We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
