I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
