We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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